FAITH - MY PERSONAL BATTLE!

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Luke 17:5-6 "The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!' The Lord replied. 'If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you.'"

We as Christians all believe and trust in God but how much faith do we really have in Him when it matters most? For most of us, not much am afraid and that is evidenced by our attitudes when in crisis but is it quantity that matters or is it quality? We all know what the bible says about that. We all know what Jesus said to His disciples when they asked Him to increase thier faith - Luke 17:5-6
If a man/woman is able to push a wheelbarrow with a monkey in it across a gorge/ravine on a single cable to and fro in your presence, several times and very steadily without even swaying at all and then asks you to replace the monkey, would you agree? I most certainly doubt that any of us would. You've seen him do it so you definately believe he can do it but still you wouldn't. If you believe he can do it then you should trust him and if you trust him you should have faith in him to take you safely accross and back but still you don't get in. Why? Empty faith! So, how can we profess to have faith in God whom we have not seen. We believe in His existence but do we really have any faith in His abilities is a question we should all be asking ourselves, not how much faith do we have in Him as quantity is of no consequence (Luke 17;5-6)In my opinion, this sums up our relationship with God.
The Lord has given me a sense of purpose, taught me to appreciate life regardless of the situation but i still ask questions of my faith in Him.Do you as well? For the benefit of all, i have a terminal lung condition and am on supplementary oxygen 24/7 and i have come to believe it is time that takes us away from this earth, not an illness, accident, etc...those are only means by which our lives end and it is God that determines that time thus i truely believe that nothing shall befall me unless He wills it...but...do i always remember that when it really matters? No! So what does that say about my faith? Am i faithful enough to take of the oxygen and say Lord, am in your hands now ...and qoute a lot of applicable scriptures? I doubt! Since i DO believe nothing shall befall me unless HE wills it, why don't i act accordingly when it matters most? I guess if i really have the faith of a mustard seed.....i would! A lot of people tell me i have great faith but i sometimes question myself..do i really?
Brothers and sisters in Christ, let us seriouly re-evaluate our relationship with Christ so we may become ambassadors who practice what we preach and the only way we can do that is by being in total intimacy with Him, saturated by His word, fanatical. It is good that He accepts our imperfections but that should be no reason to twist His word to suit us and our situations as a friend and brother in Christ once stated in a face book post which takes me back to the oxygen.Men of God have in the past prayed for me and a couple have asked me to take of my oxygen and do what i had never done before. Now..i have always been against that. My question is..is it because of fear of what might happen or do i genuinely believe that i will know when the time comes for me to do so by way of God talking to me? Am i intimate enough with Him to be able to know that or am i just twisting things to hide my fear? Or is it just that i do not have any faith in Him though i profess to (note; any faith, not enough faith)...I honestly don't know but these are questions i constantly ask myself. Am i failing to reach out for my complete healing or is professing to waiting on God just a cover up for my failure to do so? Is there a right or wrong to the last statement?
Brothers and sisters in Christ, these are some of the things i am battling with as a child of God and some of the sentiments i've expressed are offcourse just my opinion thus i would be very greatful to hear your opinions, remember, as iron sharpens iron so do we sharpen each others minds.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!